


The Ocean On His Shoulders

by mimiplaysgames



Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst and Feels, Anti-Aqua, Dark Aqua, Darqua, Drama, F/M, here you go, if you want a fic where Terra saves her from the Realm of Darkness, so I complied, this gets sad before it gets better, this was a prompt given to me in Discord
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-22
Updated: 2019-04-08
Packaged: 2019-10-14 06:29:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,527
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17503403
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mimiplaysgames/pseuds/mimiplaysgames
Summary: She’s been waiting for him for so many years. When he finally sees her, Terra realizes that instead of saving her from the Realm of Darkness, he must save her from herself.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> THERE ARE NO SPOILERS IN THIS FIC - only things that were shown in trailers and my own ideas. So I got this prompt from @steadyknight that went something like this: “A semi-fixed Terra finally has his heart back… But now to save Aqua dearest, heartbroken from her ongoing Darkling transformation, he sees that the only way is to sacrifice that which he longed for so long.” Or in other words - “break his heart into pieces.” WHOOO there are some serious consequences in such a prompt, and I had to actually break this outline into two parts. This part addresses the prompt directly - the other half addresses its meaning. I do hope it’s enjoyable! Thank you for the prompt, it was quite a challenge to get a vision for it. I basically also had to make peace with how salty I am over how it seems that Sora will be saving her, LMAO.
> 
> Title taken from Gary Schyman’s piece for Bioshock.

Terra knew what he would be facing. They told him what to expect, where to find her, and how to get there. They told him to prepare himself. It was probably going to be painful to see her that way, and he retorted that saving her was his responsibility and his alone. The journey so far had been a never-ending war, and a nagging thought at the back of his mind wondered if this place was sentient enough to understand what he was trying to do. The hordes of Heartless he’d been bludgeoning the entire way were means to stop him from getting to her. 

And if the Realm of Darkness truly wanted to keep her, the kinds of monstrosities he fought were proof that it meant its threats. Which was part of the problem: she was now the Realm, and the Realm was her.

Put simply, she wasn’t waiting anymore. _She was lurking._

Riku and the King had given him enough details so that he’d have a sense of what that meant. Yet, once the dirt he was stepping on finally gave way into sand, and he heard the crashing of waves, and the moon’s light illuminated the beach, he succumbed to what he knew was false hope. Maybe she would agree to go with him. Maybe she’d be comforted to finally see him again, instead of strangers. Maybe she would smile.

Heartless awaited him on that small beach, but they did not attack. They stared him down with those bright yellow eyes that served as their only means of expression on their otherwise impression-less faces: blank and feral. They simply acknowledged his existence as if it was the most important thing to them. And as though they had all shared the same thought, they slithered backward into the water, forsaking him.

Not once did they break their stare from him. They sank, their glowing eyes keeping watch on him until they faded from his sight, until the murky water eventually forced what little light they had through their sockets to disappear. He couldn’t shake the sense that they were still there observing him – he just couldn’t see them anymore.

She wasn’t here, though. He was alone on that beach, and he’d have the sense to start calling for her when a gripping feeling in his throat stopped him. The water. Something was wrong with the water.

The waves were alluring enough, but it was an invitation to suffocate. The rock formations that hugged along the shoreline twisted and stretched out unnaturally. It almost looked like they were meant to be something else, as though they had died the moment they were born.

And then his heart beat. She arrived.

The moonlight brightened the surface of the water enough for a shadow to grow, an open trapdoor to the depths below. Darkness swirled out of this opening like smoke. Two hands crept out, grabbing onto the water as if it was solid ground, and she pulled herself out.

She was merely a shadow, but he knew it was her. Call it hearts being connected: he knew who was walking toward him, the moon basking over a black silhouette of a woman walking on water, her steps sounding as if she was stepping on puddles.

The part that hurt the most was knowing he couldn’t hug her hello. He stepped forward as well, but stopped. He kept his feet on the sand, just inches short of where the water massaged the earth. Everything in his body screamed at him not to take another one further, as if the sea would swallow him in one gulp. Even with his entire suit of armor to protect him, Terra expected it would be torn to shreds once he was in.

It was only when she stood directly in front of him, her own feet never leaving the waterside, that the shadow dissipated and he finally looked upon her beautiful face. Scarred by golden eyes, hair that turned whiter the further away it grew from its roots, and skin that was so charred and so violet, she was clearly turning into something else. The darkness floated off of her as though her skin breathed it. She wasn’t human anymore, even if she looked it, and this precious girl he’d been in love with for years stood there with all the evidence that showed how much she rotted away for all this time waiting.

His nose burned and tears streamed down his face. His helmet was a blessing, hiding the guilt he wore on his face. He didn’t want to provoke her anger with such a pitiful look – he already knew well enough this was his fault. The least he could have done was have the strength to tell her not to follow him as he fell into darkness; he should have been the one to turn into a monster instead of her paying such a price.

Aqua, who once opened her bedroom door when he knocked late one night. He had hoped she was awake to talk away his worries about the upcoming Mark of Mastery Exam. And she welcomed him with a big smile on her face despite how tired she really was. And they talked. For hours. About anything. Until they fell asleep on her floor, dragging her blankets and pillows down with them, just like they did when they were children.  

Aqua now stood there with a look as if seeing him was the greatest offense she could have experienced.

“Terra,” she said with an anger so mute and a face as placid as it could get with such furrowed brows, it almost seemed as though she was trying to stop herself from ravaging him. “It’s been a long time.”

It was hot inside the armor, sweat dripping down the back of his neck. The mucus in his nose didn’t allow him to breathe, and he instead tried to do so through his teeth in order to calm himself. “A-Aqua,” he nearly sobbed. “I-”

“You’re very late.” She stressed that last word, as if to get across how long it had been since they’ve last seen each other.

He was a head taller than her, but he felt as small as a puppy shivering in fear. He hung his head. “I know. I know I am.”

“You know, but you never came.” Her jaw quivered, and she mustered every ounce of control to speak further. “You don’t actually know anything. You don’t know sadness. You don’t know loneliness. You don’t know what it feels like to find the comfort in surrendering to your fate.”

“Aqua,” he pleaded. “I can’t pretend to know anything about what you’ve been through and there is no apology that could ever make up for it. I could give you a million regrets and it wouldn’t change a thing and I’m sorry I can’t do more. I’m sorry, I’m sorry.” His voice broke, and she had enough mercy to give him time to find it again. “But I’m here to at least do _something_. To help you.”

“Why do you think I’m like this? How _dare_ you show up here? Now? The only reason I’m here was to give you a chance at freedom. You should have had my back.”

“I can take you home. I can take you back to the Realm of Light.”

“I’m not going anywhere,” she raised her voice a notch, without losing her efforts to remain calm. “I’ve hurt myself for years misleading myself in faith. Believing that _you_ or someone out there would take the time to find me.” Her face contorted into fury, her voice nearly growling. “You will rot here, and I’ll show you thirteen years’ worth of misery.”

With that, she lost her self-control. Shadows gripped him like whips, and with a swing of her arm and a yell, she propelled him out onto the water. He hit the surface with a crashing thud, rolling over.

He didn’t sink. It was as if there was hidden glass tucked itself just beneath. It must have been his armor that stopped him from descending, protecting him from whatever was down there waiting.

She summoned a Keyblade – a stolen one. And she skated across the water, closing the distance in between them in one graceful boost, using her momentum to land a sickening blow. He dodged, the water he was standing on bursting out like a geyser the moment she hit it.

“You have every right to be angry!” he called as he managed to get on his feet.

Her face contorted when she heard that. Anger, apologies, help, loneliness – all of these reminders exposed her pain, like jabbing at an open gash. And like a wounded animal desperately trying to survive, she immediately went after him.

He didn’t want to fight her. He didn’t want to touch a hair, or summon his Keyblade in defense. He didn’t come all the way down here just to harm her further than what she’s already been through. The unfairness of it all.

So he ran in circles, dodging her attacks in the hopes that she would get tired. But he was prey that kept getting caught by a predator who knew better. With every stumble, he cast a weak Cure just to keep himself going.

Aqua didn’t give him time to breathe, looming over him with that Keyblade raised.

“I can’t believe this,” he muttered to himself, summoning his own to block the attack.

She stumbled back from his counter, taking a moment of her own to collect herself. It wasn’t a powerful block, but it broke her patterns enough to snap her out of them.

“I don’t want to hurt you, Aqua,” he said, keeping his Keyblade in hand but lowering it as if to mitigate the threat.

Her glare was icy. “You already have,” she said calmly, right before a glowing shadow developed around her. In an instant, several copies of her paraded around the water.

All of them were phantoms and were untouchable when he swung. Yet they had a sustenance, throwing powerful shocks that would bring him down on his knees, again and again.

Then the real one lunged at him, and he barely dodged without getting smeared by her direct hit. She was swift, and picked herself up quickly after the miss to follow up on another strike - until Keyblades clashed and grinded against each other, him on his knees and her towering over him.

She wasn’t stronger than him, yet his weapon vibrated from her force. Magic. She relied on it to build up her stamina and control her technique. This was a method she always used against his sheer brawn, and even in darkness she was the same. However, if he continued this game of cat and mouse, he would lose soon. As much as he didn’t want to cause her pain, failing this fight wouldn’t help her either.

As if reading his mind, she said, “you will drown here with me.”

That was it.

“I will not!” He put muscle into it and pushed her off of him. He stood up tall. “You’re coming with me… even if I have to drag you out of here kicking and screaming.”

As a taller, bigger fighter, Terra’s methods were all about closing in on his opponent with the goal of striking them down, accompanied by such a long, massive Keyblade to support his approach. This was why Aqua developed to be such a nimble gymnast, relying on evading and magic to balance out where she was weak. She’d hit him where he was open, countering quickly enough so that he didn’t have the time to react. Using magic to cast finishing blows and to overwhelm him.

But that Aqua was of the past. This one had new tricks up her sleeve. She had her phantoms. She had control over the water as she commanded it to shift under his feet. She warped. The power the darkness gave to her spells tripled their robustness.

And yet, she wasn’t the only one to learn something new.

Years of struggling under Xehanort’s control gave Terra the time to really customize Master Eraqus’ expertise - chain whips, designed to enslave darkness and regain control of the battlefield. Advanced and powerful, Terra had normally struggled with such an ability, whereas Aqua learned it with ease. But if light was a part of the heart, and the Keyblade merely an extension of that, being separated from both taught Terra the true meaning of maintaining his own will amidst despair.

He now had the skill to control these chains with only his mind, and he summoned them. They spread over the surface of the water, illuminating everything in a warm, orange glow. Every phantom they passed through combusted in an instant. They rose when they reached the horizon, only to circle back and dome over the seashore. And they closed in on her, wrapping around her in a spiral.

He didn’t know if it was denial that made him refuse to accept what she had become: to see these chains of light trap her so easily, constricting over her body like she was darkness incarnate. Light hurt her too much.

To soften the blow, he used powers of nothingness instead. He stabbed the water with the tip of his Keyblade and left it to stand erect on its own. It glimmered, and orbs of light surrounded her. These were explosives, a warp within the fabric of space and time that Xemnas would pull out to power his attacks. A Nobody’s powers, left behind in his body.

When enough of them materialized, Terra slammed a fist to his palm, and the orbs shot at her like lasers, one after another. She yelled from the pain, and he nearly stopped the attack short from hearing it. But he told himself to have nerve. The darkness wouldn’t have her, and he needed to win this fight to make sure he saw that through.

She dropped to her knees, King Mickey’s Keyblade dissipating. She clutched at her side, and all was quiet enough to hear the rhythm of the waves.

With a choke, Terra ran to meet her at eye level. He removed his helmet to see her face to face. To see her with every color that made her who she was, without the tint of the visor. Water dripped from the strands of her hair, and she gazed into the depths of the sea, defeated.

“Aqua, I’m so sorry.” He wondered if this was yet another throwaway apology. Sorry for hurting her. Again.

She slowly raised her head and gazed at him, her golden eyes soothed by seeing his face. She didn’t speak at first, but merely studied him. “How did I do?” she asked.

 _How did I do?_ This was a question they asked each other after every spar. Every practice. Even after exams. This was their way of keeping up with their progress. To see where they could improve. To take their chances to praise the other. It was to help them both succeed and become Masters together. It was about making sure they could reach that shared dream without leaving the other behind.

 _How did I do?_ It was proof that Aqua was still in there, somewhere. That she remembered.

“You really had me sweating there,” he said, forcing a chuckle. “Only you can make the darkness look that scary.” He paused a bit, deciding to take the risk of teasing her, like he normally would when they used to be happy. “You could use some more light, though.”

He hoped it would make her smile. Please, _please_ , make her smile.

Her eyes scattered around, as if to process what he said. “I’m so tired,” she replied with a breath, her voice low and sad.

“Then I’ll carry you back,” he said without missing a beat. “You can rest while I take you home.”

She slowly shook her head, as if disagreeing with what he said, and gazed into the moonlight that observed the two of them in the horizon beyond. Shadows from beneath her swirled upward, and they spread enough to make him gasp and step back.

“That’s not what I meant,” she said, and she fell over, splashing into the water until she sank.

“No, no, no, no.” He darted to where she stood, digging through the water but all he did was swipe at glass as he saw her body sink lower and lower until she started to fade away. The armor still protected him from sinking. “You can’t have her!”

He dismissed the armor and immediately dropped into the depths, swimming after her. At some point, it stopped existing as an ocean, and gradually changed into empty air, as though it was bottomless. And she sank, her eyes closed and her body relaxed.

It was hard.

He grabbed her and held her close with one firm grip before pivoting to swim back up. The moonlight from this point was so faint, it couldn’t give him any way to see what was down here.

He could join her in these depths. It was easier to give up and let it take over. This way he would still be with her for the rest of time. Sad or angry, it was a better existence than to be separated from her at all.

She was heavy.

These doubts were invasive. He should be fighting for the sake of setting her free. His thoughts betrayed her when he promised himself he’d rescue her, and he would find Ventus along with her. With every stroke upward, her weight doubled, trying to pull him back down. Until his shoulders ached. Until it was hard for him to breathe from all the energy spent in swimming up. To swim up. Swim up. Up.

She was in his arms and he could win her back if he just kept his chin up and his legs kicking. Almost there.

The surface. Something pulled at his ankles and tried to get him under again. He let it take him for a second just to gather energy to swim up. Repeat.

The shore. He crawled onto solid, reliable ground, her body carried by one arm. He could feel the waves hit his legs, but it was finally over.

She lay there, immobile, her eyes gently closed. She was breathing so quickly she panted like a dog. The violet on her skin spread, threatening to take her over.

He turned her over and wiped cold water and wet sand from her face. “Please wake up,” he said. “I know you still have light in there. It led me to you. I couldn’t find you without…” He fought back tears. “There has to be a way to fix this.”

She had no response, no movement. Just breathing like an animal.

“Please tell me what I can do to fix this.” Tears poured out from his eyes. “I wanted to make things right. I swear I did. I should have done it sooner, I should have found the strength to be there when you needed me. Please don’t go.”

He saw her continue to fall to darkness, the way the shadows took every inch of her. If she had any light left, it was going to disappear completely.

He had been on this same brink, many years before. Possession was a technique made possible by suppressing the light within someone’s heart, by destroying their connections with others and by giving them one option: to give up just to feel some ease.

Terra couldn’t save himself when it happened to him. What had saved him all these years - what kept him going and what helped him feel less alone - was the connection he had with his Master.

In death, a spiritual bond was made. A heart taking refuge inside another. Each time Xehanort came to convince Terra to snuff out the last bit of flame that kept his light ablaze, it was Eraqus who kept it burning. Eraqus who gave him the comfort and the encouragement to stay alive. To keep hoping for a chance to change things around.

Terra was alive because Eraqus’ heart was embedded in his own, proof that light shown brightest when he had support.

Aqua needed this, too.

The waves lapped over his ankles from behind. The shadows reached her neck, and were spreading over her chin.

Light was like a flame. It was warm, and with enough care and room to breathe, it would spread. It was cleansing, and without it, there would be no existence. Master Eraqus taught all of his early lessons on the Keyblade using stories that used fire as an analogy, with books that depicted colored sketches of flames, who would give to each other their own essence in case one of them started to flicker.

When one wielder stumbled in their path, the other would help them find their way again.

Terra had one choice. It was a forbidden act – never raise the Keyblade against the heart of another. Never threaten the heart of another. Never touch the heart of another. The heart was sacred and was the source of life. Unnamed damages could befall a person who would play with something so delicate and treasured.

If he attempted to release his own heart in order to place it in hers, he could very well turn into what she was. He could become corrupted beyond saving. The waves could grab him and drag him back down, to use him as a replacement.

Damn the consequences.

“I’m with you, Aqua.”

Terra raised his Keyblade and struck his own chest. The pain sheared at him: sharp and intense at first, a severe pull that tried to take his ribs out. He heard fabric tearing. But then he relaxed.

It was the most tempting, coaxing repose he could have asked for. His mind drifted into sleep, dreaming away his worries and fears. His body went limp and soft, every ache melting away. It was peaceful and cozy in the dark, where he didn’t have to remember a single thing or be aware that he had anything to do. He didn’t want it to end.

He woke up. The windows were incredibly tall, bordered by an intricate gold frame. So tall, that he figured he must be in a palace. Except he didn’t recognize where he was. Outside was a gathering of pine trees, rustling in the wind. It was sunny. But that didn’t give him a clue as to his location, either.

He was in a bed. The sheets were silky, the mattress luxuriously firm, the pillows soft as clouds. All of his muscles ached from too much sleep, and as much as he wanted to continue to doze off, he sat up. The room was enormous, fit for a prince, with furniture that showed off exquisite designs in bright colors with a fancy rug to match.

A girl sat on a chair next to him, her head resting on her arms as she leaned onto the mattress, sleeping away. Her hair was a vibrant blue color, so unique that he stared at her for a second. Which was weird. Normally, he didn’t pay mind to these sorts of details and preferred to keep his nose in business where it belonged. But with the way her bangs fell on her face, he just couldn’t take his eyes off her.

Heat rose to his cheeks. This was crazy, and he should get up. Except he wore nothing but a shirt and boxer briefs. Next to a sleeping, beautiful girl. He scrunched up his bedsheets around his hips to hide away his embarrassment.

She moved, grunting from her nap. Her eyes blinked open, revealing the color of a morning sky. They were large and bright, and he swore he could stare at them forever. Especially when she smiled. Now it was overwhelming.

“Terra, you’re awake!” She leaned forward, excited to see him. “Thank goodness.”

This was certainly the best compliment he could ever receive from someone like her.

“Y-yeah,” Terra said, trying his best not to look like a fool. “Where am I?”

“Disney Castle.” She was breathy when she spoke, her grin spreading even further. “Don’t worry, you’re perfectly safe.”

She reached out to touch him. He was half-naked under the sheets.

He scurried away from her, despite that he quite liked the idea if he was going to be honest with himself.

She frowned. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing!” he said too quickly, then cleared his throat. He should try to sound in control of himself, try to make a good first impression. “I’m fine, I feel great. Um… who are you?”

It was an innocent enough question. Ask a pretty girl for her name. But her smile fell. Her eyes widened in shock, and the tears that poured out couldn’t be stopped. She gripped her heart with one hand and covered her mouth with the other as if to suppress a scream. Terra felt bad and a part of him ached to have hurt her this badly. How else could he feel when she acted as though she’d been told that her closest relative had died?


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Based on @steadyknight‘s prompt of Terra saving Anti-Aqua from darkness by breaking his heart into pieces. WHICH IS SUCH A SAD CONCEPT TO ME. I took the opportunity to explore the consequences of losing one’s memory, which is something brushed aside so often in the games. I completely feel that the consequences of this action are sadder than the action itself. And if you saw my tweet about how I write notes on my outlines and how I had no idea why I wrote down “potatoes” in one of them - this was the chapter I was talking about. I never figured it out, but I improvised, lmao.

It was absolutely imperative that she covered the table in mounds of food. A full basket of toast, a pile of sausages, a stack of pancakes, eggs ready on demand – it was enough to feed a miracle. And she needed it.

All she really wanted, after all, was the right to enjoy breakfast with her family, just like every other normal person.

Terra was happy to sit with them, gleefully accepting more meat when he wiped his plate clean. He repeated five times too many that she was a perfect cook, who had this magical ability to know precisely how to please his stomach.

It wasn’t magic. She had about ten years’ worth of trial and error in understanding what made him tick. Yet this didn’t really dawn on him.

To him, they only just met three weeks ago.

Maybe she thought that feeding him everything he loved would finally make him remember. He never did, and so breakfast continued to make her feel alone.

The only appropriate response to his praise was to accept it, and keep the mood uplifting. Was it to save face? Perhaps. There wasn’t a point in making him feel guilty for something that wasn’t his fault.

“I’ll be steaming rice with coconut syrup for dessert tonight,” she said as she sat down to take her rations. Her smile felt nothing but forced. “Served with mango.”

He stumbled with his words at first, in awe. The Terra she knew would have seen through her façade. Would see she was in pain. “See, you’re a genius.”

If only she could say how much hearing that stung.

“We’ll see if I can cook a decent dinner. As long as _someone_ remembers to bring the potatoes.” She leaned over to Ventus, the exact person who was tasked at supplying her with the ingredients. He was stuffing his face with an entire pancake.

“I’ll bring them, don’t worry,” he said, his words muffled by all the baked flour. “You can store your wrath for a later time.”

“Her wrath?” Terra asked skeptically. He leaned an elbow on the table, his grin hiding behind his fingers as he eyed her, like a sheepish boy watching the girl he had a crush on. “I don’t think you’re intimidating.”

This was probably one of the more surprising effects she discovered: this Terra was pretty open about his attraction toward her. Something stopped him from wearing his heart this much on his sleeve before… he was probably scared of ruining their friendship, since it was also the same reason why she never initiated anything. Now, he had nothing to lose.

And she used to assume he really didn’t reciprocate her feelings. How stupid was she that she scared herself into thinking it would have gone nowhere. How she wished she had done something about it before their Mark of Mastery.

“Oh boy,” Ventus said, swallowing a mouthful. “One day, he’s going to regret saying that.”

“What is that supposed to mean?” she said.

“You’re only the worst person in the world to pull a prank on.” He shrugged, his grin twisting.

She snorted, because it was true. She was at least grateful she could rely on him to make her smile – these days, Ventus was really the only one who could help her. And he needed the laugh, too.

But that was the thing about inside jokes. They were a highly classified language, shared only with those who were invited.

The only thing Terra could do at a time like this was smile politely, like someone who understood he didn’t belong but it wasn’t appropriate to make it obvious.

It wasn’t that he was a complete stranger. He wore his usual sheepish smile, and bore his usual sincerity when it mattered. There still existed certain mannerisms that were so _Terra_ – the way he held his chin when he contemplated, the shrug of his shoulders when he teased. The kindness in his eyes.

She didn’t want him to pick up his plate to rinse off, and to leave the room when he felt he wasn’t wanted.

At least he left with an act Terra would actually do – ruffle through Ventus’ hair.

He nearly forgot to do that, stopping himself at the doorway before coming back to reach over from behind the chair and sifting his fingers vigorously through the blond hair.

Ventus was displeased, staring up at the clumps of hair now flattened in front of his eyes. When he knew Terra was out of earshot, he dropped his fork and rested his head into his arms with an exasperated sigh. “I hate this.”

“I know,” she said, picking at her food. She hadn’t eaten a single thing all morning.

He took out his frustration on his hair, fixing it back up the way he liked it. “The real Terra would know when to play with my hair – and he wouldn’t mess it up!”

It was a ridiculous excuse for him to get upset about. “What’s really bugging you?”

Ventus sighed, dragging it out as much as possible while averting her eyes. His unique look of shame. She prepared for the worst.

“That mission he and I went on together the other day?” he started. “I kind of snapped at him. I felt unsure if I could handle fighting these large Heartless, and I talked to him about it but… The real Terra always knew the right words. He’d say something like ‘you got this’ and pat my head. And I got angry when he didn’t do that – I did apologize to him later, so you don’t have to tell me to do anything.”

He still avoided her eyes. “But now he follows me around and rubs my hair any chance he gets.”

“He’s just compensating,” she said. It had to be so hard on Ventus. Only the stars knew how often she stopped herself from begging Terra to please come back.

“I know…” He shifted uncomfortably on his chair, eyes darting around like he was afraid to say more. “Something else happened, too… he stopped everything and went really rigid.”

She inhaled sharply, remembering that Master Yen Sid had mentioned to expect strange occurrences. “What do you mean?”

“Like he became a statue and he stopped breathing. He didn’t talk to me about it, or tell me if he remembered anything.” He rubbed the back of his hand, finally looking into her eyes for some solace. “I don’t know what I said to make him do that.”

On instinct, she reached over to gently squeeze his forearm, lending him a warm smile. “We’ll be okay. I know it’s hard, but we just have to be patient and wait this out. He’s not going to stay like this forever, I won’t let it.”

She wouldn’t let it.

Those words sounded like something she would say, but they were foreign. She didn’t know where they came from, as she had no idea how to fix any of this. It was natural for her to put on a brave face – after all, she relied on it for thirteen years in the dark. Lying to herself that she was going to be fine.

Here she was lying again, acting like everything was going to be fine. But she couldn’t allow herself to fall apart in front of Ventus. She only did that alone.

And she was alone now after he finished his meal, with her food cold and untouched.

The sausage tasted like nothing, her sinuses clogged up from her dry sobs.

Master Yen Sid examined Terra shortly after he woke up. The diagnosis was that he had split his heart into two pieces, and gave one to her as a shield to protect her from the darkness. His memories of course had no choice but to scatter, the chains that linked them together completely broken.

 _What went through his damn mind_ to inspire him to do that, she had no idea.

The team at Radiant Garden couldn’t help, either. Wielding a Keyblade against a heart was forbidden and dangerous – Terra’s condition being a prime example of the consequences. Forcefully removing his piece from her body could be permanently damaging, and who knew what scars were already there.

They knew a witch who could re-link those memories, and his heart would grow to fill the whole left behind.

But they had to find a way to make her exist again. Or something.

She wasn’t going to pretend to understand exactly what that meant. Only that they were alone in their predicament.

If only she was strong enough to keep herself up when she was hurting, strong enough not to fall to darkness. If only she didn’t attack him like a beast. If only he had traded something else instead of his heart, like his Keyblade or a limb to save her.

Maybe she was a horrible person for even entertaining the thought.

It was hard not to. She endured the Realm of Darkness to give him a chance. What was the point of surviving if she didn’t have her family back? Was there a meaning or a life lesson behind her having to say good-bye to everything she knew?

Master Yen Sid had warned her against saying too much to Terra, or forcing him to remember things. It could be throttling. Or painful. It was best to let go and let any traces come to him naturally.

Which was easy for Yen Sid to say. He wasn’t losing anyone. Painful indeed – she dealt with it when she remembered that Terra was with her the very first time she ever saw snow. That they knew every good hiding place in the castle back in the Land of Departure – some of which they never shared with Ventus.

She questioned whether it was the right approach.

But observing Terra sometimes made her realize why it might be. Without any memories, Terra didn’t know the meaning of terror anymore. No Mark of Mastery to beat himself up over. No Xehanort. He was cheerier now, so much like how he used to be long ago before the stress of becoming a Keyblade Master took a toll. Before they were separated. And he deserved to be this happy and worry-free.

She still questioned whether she was doing the right thing.

The only thing that stopped her tears from falling each night was a warmth in her chest. Terra – the one she knew, the one who left a part of himself inside – heard her. And the stir in her heart would lull her to sleep, like he was hugging her from wherever he was, to remind her that she was never alone.

She placed her hands on her chest after dropping her fork, feeling him again. “I’m trying, Terra,” she said out loud. She spent so many years talking to herself in the dark, and being in the light was no different. “It’s so hard.”

A moment passed before she calmed down. It was still the beginning of a new day, and it will be long. Days in Disney Castle lasted far longer than any world she had ever visited before. But it was the best place for Terra to recover, she believed. He was surrounded by inhabitants who were jovial, trusting, and kind. They lived in the moment, completely undisturbed by the wars with darkness outside. They looked for reasons to stay positive.

She found him in the library - which was considered a lucky event being that it was so huge, numerous civilians have reported getting lost in there for days. He was escorting Queen Minnie, reaching up to a high shelf to fetch her a book. A grin on his face, he lived for any chance to be helpful, especially to a Queen who only stood as tall as his knee.

But it was when he was thanked and left behind that it hit her. Sitting by himself in a busy library the size of their academy with a small stack of books to keep occupied – he, too, must be lonely.

… When he leaned forward to hold his chin with one hand while reading the book with the other, he looked so much like Terra.

He glanced up when she approached him.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt-”

“Don’t be,” he said, waving to the lounge chair across from him. “I’d rather talk to you, anyway.”

She took a mental note to be this forward with him if he ever got his memories back. The stack of books next to him was a pile of heroic epics. One of them was _The Adventures of Robin Hood_ , his absolute favorite growing up.

“What are you reading?” she asked.

He furrowed his brow, inspecting the words on the open pages in his hand. “A love story.”

“A love story?” Not something he’d usually be interested in.

“I didn’t think it was at first. It’s about these two flames. One of them started to overburn its wick, and was going to flicker out. It was too dark to be the only candle, so the other gave its blue core away,” he said, each word making her realize that she knew this story. “This would give power to its friend, making it last longer. You’d think it would die afterward, but now they are blended together, making the room shine brighter. And they never separated again. Sacrificing its blue core… that’s love.”

He showed her the book, and the illustrations are exactly the way she remembered them from childhood. _The Tale of Two Lights_. Two flames with eyes, and one of pictures showed a flame pulling its blue core out from the inside, like it had reached into its mouth.

Their Master used to read it to them to teach them about the nature of being a Keybearer. To protect others from darkness meant to be willing to utilize their own hearts as a weapon. Bonds kept light alive, and so it was important that Keyblade Wielders were always supportive of one another, for the darkness will try and snuff out a single light.

But he made sure to teach them to never underestimate the power of one’s own personal shine – the blue core didn’t burn like the tip of the orange flame, but its warmth was the most important.

Not once did she ever consider it a love story. Most of the ones she read were stupid and shallow. The prince kissed the princess and the happy-ever-after was given easily like free candy at a festival.

Nothing she read taught her the meaning of it, or prepared her for the choice of jumping into the dark abyss after a possessed Terra.

“That’s an… interesting interpretation,” she said.

“You know it?”

She hesitated for a moment. “Yeah. The Master used to read it to us when we were kids.”

“What was he like?” He leaned forward, his eyes asking more than his voice.

She wondered if refusing to answer him was infantilizing or rude. If he deserved to know despite that she might trigger an attack.

“He was strict,” she said, her eyes searching the floor. She couldn’t help the smile pulling at her lips as she ventured into her memories. “He made us run laps if we woke up too late. And he gave us extra assignments if we weren’t listening to his lectures.”

But Terra deserved something nice to hold onto, too.

“He thought our birthdays were the most important days of the year,” she continued, “and he never missed them. He liked his coffee black in the morning, and sipped red wine before he went to bed.”

The more she spoke of Eraqus, the more she could visualize him, enough that it pained her to remember she’ll never make him coffee again.

Terra rested back into his chair, his gaze downcast and sullen.

“I remember him.” At the sight of her piqued interest, he corrected himself. “Just a small vision. There are only feelings… I saw him die in front of me. I don’t know why, and that scares me.” His voice lowered significantly. “I think I might have done something horrible.”

“Terra, you were only trying to save Ven-”

“Were you there?”

“No…” Not even Ventus saw what happened exactly, and this wasn’t a conversation they finished before the catastrophe happened.

It was a conversation she needed to have, but now that it wasn’t possible, she only had her beliefs to hold onto.

“You’re the kindest person I will ever meet,” she finally said. “There is no better word out there to describe you, Terra. You could never even think of harming the Master.”

She had to believe it. If she was going to be honest, Terra was always the favorite student. The Master was often way harsher on him as a result, expecting too much. It was to his detriment at the Mark of Mastery, and it was unfair.

But the bond they had was unique, and there wasn’t a way – _a single, damn way_ – that Terra would have a sinister inkling to hurt the man who raised him, even if he was resentful. Even if he had darkness and it was as black as ink. This was Terra, after all.

“I’m sorry,” he said, scrambling to find a tissue. “I didn’t mean to make you cry.”

“It’s nothing to apologize for.” She quickly dabbed her eyes and wiped her nose. “You know, death and all. It happens.”

“Yeah,” he shrugged, a nervous sigh leaving his lips. “Death and all.”

Like two strangers surviving awkward small talk.

Terra was fine, though – no attacks coming to threaten him. But it was so unlike him to be unbothered by the Master’s death, like he never had a father, and she couldn’t bear to think about it. So she sparred with him to take her mind off of these things.

She was the type to prepare for the future, and they were going to have a rocky one. The final battle with Xehanort loomed over them still, and with no memory, Terra was at worst defenseless.

Sparring with him was like teaching someone who had forgotten to practice for years. Most times, he had the right instinct, his muscle memory kicking in to get him into the correct stance. But gone was his knowledge of the way she moved, and it was too easy to dance around him and clobber him to the ground. And this Terra moved in ways she never expected, like he grew up fighting someone else.

The other Keyblade wielders would come over and teach him, as well. The more practice he received, the better.

He didn’t have the drive to be a Master anymore, but when he wiped his Keyblade clean, he asked, _so I get to help people?_

There were minutes when she couldn’t let go of how worried she was about the ordeal, so she busied herself with other, more menial things. She refused the Queen’s offer in using her animated broom servants, and did most of the cooking herself. The smell of food was intoxicating and a reliable distraction, and since she was preparing a huge feast today, it swallowed hours from her that would otherwise be thrown away to anxiety.

Ventus helped her cut the venison, and she looked around the large kitchen (four times the size of her bedroom back home) for ingredients.

No potatoes.

And she had to worry about feeding Sora, Riku, Kairi, and Lea tonight. Donald and Goofy were also coming. The King and his wife… it was going to take forever to prepare.

“You forgot the potatoes,” she spat.

He waved his hand like it was no big deal – clearly he didn’t know how long it took to boil them. “I’ll get ‘em, don’t worry.”

She was going to bark some more when Terra arrived at the doorway. He held his fingers to his temple like he was taming a headache, and his orange Wayfinder found a place in his other hand.

They froze as they watched him, too eager to interrupt whatever he was going to say about that trinket.

“There was…” he started. “We were standing together, under the stars one night.”

It was all he said. It could have been any night, but he held that Wayfinder like it mattered and it had to be one specific night above all.

Ventus saw this opportunity and took it like a landslide, running up to his friend while pulling out his green Wayfinder out of his pocket. “Yeah! She made these for us that night so we always stayed connected.”

She joined them, comparing her blue counterpart with theirs.

Terra was impressed. “You made these?” He inspected his, slowly taking in all the details of metal and glass. “They’re beautiful.”

It wasn’t something he’d normally say – _beautiful_ just wasn’t a word he would use to describe anything related to her. But apparently he hid quite a lot when he told her things like _Oy, you’re such a girl sometimes_ as he held his Wayfinder for the first time long ago.

“Thank you.” It was the most polite thing to say. “Was there anything else you remembered?” She held her breath, not expecting much.

“No,” he said, rubbing his neck like he knew he disappointed her. But he still smiled. It was pleasant at least. 

Even Ventus’ grin fell some. He really had to learn not to get his hopes up too high.

What she really didn’t need was to have the other wielders barge in on them like this. A feast wasn’t the place to witness letdowns.

“Well, the smaller things are worth celebrating, right?” she said, wiping her hands on her apron out of nervousness and putting her Wayfinder away. She looked around for something to change the subject. “Ven… the potatoes.”

He nearly snarled at her, but he was terrible at rebelling. “Fine, I’ll go get them now, your Highness.”

“I could help you carry them,” Terra offered.

Ventus looked as though someone just slapped him across the face. “I’m strong enough to carry them on my own.”

“Oh, sorry.”

She knew that wasn’t what Ventus wanted to hear. He was expecting Terra to tease him further about it, maybe even strike up a competition to see who could carry the most potatoes. Ventus would lose every time of course, but it was the bonding that counted. Disappointment sunk again.

To make up for it, Terra ruffled thoroughly through blond hair, and Ventus grimaced to save face when he fixed it. She wondered if he understood that Terra was sincerely trying so hard.

She decided it was a good idea to help him out, at least this one time.

When Ventus was out of earshot, she said, “I’ll make another potato stew, and you should stuff the sack with bricks next time. He’ll never talk back to you, again.”

Terra snorted. “That’s hilarious, you think he’ll be offended?”

“Nah, he likes pranks.”

“I’ll definitely do it, thanks.” He sounded like he was desperate for a way to break the ice with Ventus, and she gave him all the relief he needed. He hovered around the kitchen counter, watching her cut into vegetables. “Do you need help?”

She was going to reject his offer, yet she’d hate to see him left out again.

But she stopped herself from handing him a knife.

He froze.

Completely.

Staring off into her like he couldn’t see her anymore, his eyes fixated with a look of sheer horror, like whatever he was witnessing was disgusting and it frightened him so much that he was about to beg for mercy. He shuddered furiously. He didn’t allow himself to breathe at all, and tears gathered so much in his eyes that they fell without waiting for him to blink.

“Terra,” she called, but he didn’t respond. He wouldn’t breathe.

“I’m here, Terra,” she said, dropping the knife and reaching for his face. “You’re safe.”

He didn’t respond to her touch either. She nearly called for Ventus’ help when he took a large, sharp inhale like he’d been drowning, and he rubbed his face as he drew deep, heavy breaths. The movement scared her, and she jumped back to clutch her beating chest.

“Are you okay?” she asked.

At the sound of her voice, he grabbed her wrist and looked right into her eyes. This time, he was looking at her. Like he discovered something he lost.

“You’re Aqua,” he said.

He knew her name as a stranger’s, but now it was like he knew _exactly_ what it meant.  He smiled widely, the tears falling right into his mouth but he was too busy at the brink of laughter to taste them. He searched her eyes as though he was examining something precious.

“Did I give you my blue core?” he asked.

It was futile to stop her tears, and she nodded, her own smile drawing out like it needed to be seen. It was more natural to hug him than to reply, and his embrace was tight, like holding her was a necessity to live.

“What do you remember?” she asked into his shoulder, making it wet with all her tears and snot.

“Not much.” His voice chocked, half in laugher. “Just that you were so _stubborn_ , and I needed to beat you on the head with some common sense.”

She laughed, something that sounded like crying but it was all molded together in a heap of nonsense. He held her tighter, making sure she kept standing as he rocked her back and forth. She was finally home in a world where light burned brightly enough that she was sure her transgressions were all exposed.

To hear him define her fall to darkness, her feral beast, as simply _stubbornness_ made her feel forgiven. Even if he didn’t know what her mistakes really were, yet.

It was such a Terra thing to say.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So a lot of the concepts in this are inspired by Joshua's words in DDD:
> 
> "By ourselves we're no one. It's when other people look at us and see someone... that's the moment we each start to exist."
> 
> I don't normally nerd over the writing process in these notes, but to illustrate this, I actually made it purposeful not to name Aqua at all in this chapter except for one time - when Terra names her. Just a little something I wanted to experiment with, which was tricky in narration, having to do all of this without naming her XDD. 
> 
> Come find me on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/mimiplaysgames1)! I'm a shy bean, but I want to make friends.
> 
> **AHHHHHH Steady Knight drew me this beautiful[Terraqua piece](http://steadyknight.tumblr.com/post/184075744202/the-ocean-on-his-shoulders-22) based on this chapter. It's absolutely beautiful, I'm so honored you took the time to make this for me. ;-; ;-; **


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